yesterday

i sat on my front porch and had snow for dinner

and was in the middle of a very engaging conversation

with my landlord's dog, Capitan,

when i got this sudden urge

to hug this tree i'd been flirting with

for years

no sooner had i hugged him than

he started weeping!

at first i thought it was just the snow melting

but he told me, "no, those are tears."

he said it was the first time since he'd been planted

that he'd been hugged

i couldn't believe he'd gone his whole life without a hug!

he became - overwhelmed

which made me overwhelmed

and then Capitan became overwhelmed!

of course, i fell instantly in love with him

and met with him everyday thereafter

each time i would hug him

and each time he would cry

until he realized that now he had someone to hug - for good

sometimes i would have snow

sometimes a small cup of sun, maybe some wind

but love often takes away the appetite

so, most times, i wouldn't eat anything. i'd just be with him

usually i would bring him some small gift:

a bouquet of mulch

a little bag of osmacote

and sometimes poop!

because he loved palindromes so much

he always wanted me to be reading to him

i didn't mind of course

he was a fan of Müller and Rilke

sometimes Sartre - but only in Sudoku form

which is quite difficult, really

figuring out the right combinations

the more i read the more he wanted me to read

he was such a natural learner. so inquisitive

one day i made the mistake of showing him a book on trees

as he wanted to know what he looked like

he became addicted

everyday i was having to get books with pictures of trees

tall trees, short trees, fat trees, thin trees, leafy trees, bare trees,

summer trees, winter trees, fall trees, bowed trees, stripped trees! all trees! all the time!

one time i hugged him

after showing him pictures of manicured trees

and when i pulled away - my coat was all wet!

i said "are you crying???"

but he whispered, "no," and looked away

i chose not to pay attention

and was barely halfway through boewulf

when he suddenly shouted "talk dirty to me!"

and this, too, i did not mind

i was glad to do it, glad to make him happy

i loved him

"you beech!" i said, "don't get a big head because you think you're poplar. i bought you those firs! if you keep trippin, i'll kick your ash!"

he loved it.

i was getting bored after so much of this kind of talk

i mean this went on and on and on

for years

plus, i was running out of tree references

i was so disappointed because

he stopped being interested in me altogether

"what happened to the tree i fell in love with?!" i sobbed

"you used to love philosphy and poetry! i don't even know

what you are anymore!!"

i was overwhelmed

and he was overwhelmed

we cried together

he told me he had a problem

and that he could handle it with my help

so i hung around. we tried, we really did

to have a normal life, but it wasn't meant to be

i tried reading - other things

but his bark began to peel and his color changed

his leaves started dropping off

i tried an experiment

i showed him more trees - and his color returned!!

i was disgusted

so i stopped reading altogether

and stopped having dinner altogether

then one day in the spring

years later - decades later - a millenium later

i decided to sit on my porch and have rain for breakfast

i had long ago lost a taste for snow, wind, or sun

but i couldn't remember why

and i heard a small voice whisper

and got this sudden urge to hug this tree

that had been flirting with me

for years!

no sooner had i hugged him than he started

sapping - it was kinda gross

"you remember me!" he said

"i shouldn't think so," i answered, "i mean, i don't just go aroundtalking to trees. bit strange, that."

"you mean, you don't remem- " he began to get excited,"i wonder if you could do me a very big favor."

"i don't see why not," i said.

"could you ......would you......... bring me a book, perhaps?"

"of what?" i asked

he waited for a while

and i waited for a while

................"some tender, young sapplings. maybe even some seedlings if they got em."

which triggered my memory and took me back a thousand years. and that's when i knew -

i had to cut him down.

No.....

last night I allowed myself to fantasize about you. I let my mind explore you ....touch you...trace you...and take you ....

As far as it was willing to go. I did not stop myself from invading your mind...your body ....your soul.

In fact, I relished conquering everything I knew of you

Your memories in me surrendered to the thirsty, clumsy, fluid groping of my mind. Each electric shock of discovery added color...size...dimension....character...breath... and life

Until you stood

naked

before me

I tasted you with my mind until I was

drunk

With the thought of you

I took all you had to offer

And stole what you tried to keep to yourself

I kissed you and loved you and held you and touched you and smelled you until you lay before me like a

broken...alabaster...box

I drenched myself in your precious oils

Bathed in you....

warmed you.....and molded you

Until you were just the right shape and the right size for

my heart

And that's where I hid you

Your smooth, honey-kissed skin flexed with my every thought until I

knew

The salt of your flesh. The scent of your inner thighs. The shape of your lower back. The sound of your beating heart. Your eyes sparkled in the moonlight. Your laugh mingled with the setting sun. Your warm, sweet breath danced with the autumn leaves.

I felt the strength of your arms around me as I wrapped my imagination around you. I groaned at the delicate softness of your lips as I stole the sweet sigh escaping from your mouth. I was drunk....

with passion. with longing

And yet, tenderly, oh so tenderly - because I didn't want to frighten you - I buried my nose in your clean hair and ran my fingers down your tender scalp. I disappeared in the crook of your neck while inhaling your sweet, sweet nectar. I slid my hands over your chest, along your ribs and, gently, oh so gently, carressed your waist until

all of me

covered

all of you

I did not speak to you in my fantasy

I did not have to

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