I have in recent times came to know my eternal spirit, or at least getting to kow it, And I'm in love with me. Oh wee that feels good to know. I understand that song by Mary J. Blige so much better, My Life. I equate everything with music and I had to cry when I heard it for real for the first time because I hear her, she made it real clear. I gotta stop being the old me, holding on to her because she's familiar and so is her suffering. Her ways that almost killed her, treaching herself as thin as rice paper to accomidate everyone else, hating to say no and at the same time not wanting it to continue, the usage of herself. Tired of people walking on her. One of her friends litteraly asked if they could walk on her, posing as if they were trying to help, but subconsiously really wanting to cause ain and know that the old me was beneath them, so they can feel better. Sad.Well, that was the past, even though that was only a short while ago, it's over and done with. and so is the old me. I feel as if I am a phenoix, being born again from the combustable death that left nothing but smoldering ashes in her wake to become a beautiful being, a creature of spirtual wonderment, getting to know themselves, loving one self, becoming aware of me. I love it.

 I am getting back to my life. I had to move from another home yet again and I am pretty fed up with my life at this point. Some one please tell me, what is the prurpose of this rigamamaroe? All I ever try to do is be a good bperson and seems as if other people all ways shit on me when the only thing I do is help them out. I feel real out of sorts. It seems as if the church would be the place to run and claim sanctuary,but I cant even do that. The churches i have been to of late are nothing more than contradictions. I talk to the Lord, and it gives me some peace, but He doesn't speak back, and I don't know what to make of His silence.

I got me some juices flowing today. I sat down and started to write and kept on going. I Never realized how much I missed creating. I was stiffeled for such a long time, not able to release my feelings, keeping them inside for reasons unknown to myself. Yall 2007 has not been a good year, as I reflect on it I want to break down more so then ever. It seems as if everyday is a test and added material to my testimoney. I just want to keep on keeping on like the song say. I so so mad that I missed outon almost three years of living because of a love that i found, tried to hold on to and lost. But I am glad to say that now I know and I know better.